Sorry I haven’t written in a while but I am back and ready to talk about movies!
The 80s was a great movie decade. It gave us Ghostbusters, Amadeus, and Raiders of the Lost Ark. However, it also gave us Supergirl, Howard the Duck, and a lot of other crap. What’s worse is that I loved some of that crap. Here’s a list of five terrible movies from the 80s that I was obsessed with when I was younger. When I say terrible I don’t mean ones we now cherish like Flash Gordon. The movies on this list have not gained that kind of camp respect. They are the forgotten. Yet, I watched them repeatedly. I quoted them. I knew all the songs. I tortured my parents because I watched them on the only TV in the house with cable and a VCR. I suspect I may not be alone out there. So, here we go and try not to judge but I completely understand if you do.
Saturday the 14th (1981)
If you know Saturday the 14th, then I tip my hat to you. I looked at a few “Worst Eighties Movies” lists and this film is so obscure that it is not even honored with that title. It’s a comedic camp horror movie. John (Richard Benjamin) and his family move into a creepy rundown house that they inherited from their uncle. Little do they know that a Book of Evil is located in the house and if it’s opened all the evil will be released into the world (even though the evil really just remains in the house). You can guess what happens next. The tone of the movie is rudimentary similar to Beetlejuice in the sense that the adults are not phased that monsters and vampires are taking over the house. The execution, though, looks as if Tim Burton filmed this movie in his backyard when he was twelve. To its credit, there are a few funny one-liners and a surprise twist. It must have resonated with few people because there was a sequel few years later in 1988 (never saw it). When I watched the movie recently, what surprised me was how scary it is for children. Clearly, my parents had no clue what their six-year old was watching on TV and now I understand why I wanted to sleep with the lights on.
Grease 2 (1982)
It’s killing me that I have to put Grease 2 on this list because I don’t want to admit this is a bad movie. In fact, I enjoy watching this over the original Grease. Yes, I said it! However, society has spoken and I must concede. Grease 2 picks up back at Rydell High. Sandy’s cousin, Michael (Maxwell Caulfield) arrives as an exchange student from Australia and he immediately falls for Pink Lady, Stephanie (Michelle Pfeiffer). She’s not interested in him because she wants a “Cool Rider” (her words not mine), a bad ass on a motorcycle. So, naturally, Michael, a prep by day, becomes a mysterious sexy motorcycle rider who Stephanie falls for without knowing his true identity. What’s good about this movie is that it doesn’t try to be respectable like its predecessor. Grease 2 is zany, ridiculous, and great. How many musicals do you know have songs about human reproduction? Watch the clip and enjoy.
Fun Fact: Paulette (Lorna Luft), the Marilyn Monroe-esque Pink Lady, is Judy Garland’s daughter and Liza Minnelli’s half-sister.
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White Water Summer (1987)
This is the most “dramatic” movie on the list. Vic (Kevin Bacon) is a camping guru who takes four upper class New York teenage boys into the woods to teach them how to live in the wild. He butts heads with Alan (Sean Astin) who stubbornly challenges Vic’s irrational teaching methods, which causes Kevin to slowly lose his shit. You actually think Vic may kill these kids but the movie doesn’t get that heavy and it turns into more of a coming of age movie (sorta). I get the feeling Hollywood didn’t know what to do with this so they tried to make it more light-hearted by inserting Sean Astin’s comedic narrations of events throughout the movie. If you think Sean Astin looks different in the movie it’s because the narration scenes were filmed two years after the camping scenes. The universe lead me to this movie because I had a major crush on Sean Astin and there was only so many times I could watch Goonies. Although Grease 2 remains my ultimate favorite of the five, I have to admit this has the best production value, story, and soundtrack. So, if you are stuck in your house on a rainy day, this would be the one to watch but just don’t have too high expectations – it was the 80s.
Like Father Like Son (1987)
I am very pleased with myself because I can honestly say that I was never a Kirk Cameron fan. However, there are a lot of thirty and early forty-year old women out there that can’t say the same even though they would like to. Yet, when I was twelve I watched this movie over and over and over again. Even now, I can quote it. Again, I blame my crush on Sean Astin, who plays Kirk Cameron’s best friend in the movie. Dr. Jack Hammond (Dudley Moore), a widower and respected cardiologist, unknowingly drinks “brain transference serum” and mentally swaps bodies with his teenage son, Chris (Kirk Cameron). Naturally, as they figure out how to get back into the right body they learn more about each other lives, which brings them closer together. I know what you are thinking, “I never heard of that plot before.” Oh, except there’s Freaky Friday (1976 & 2003), Vice Versa, All of Me, 18 Again!, The Hot Chick, The Change-Up, and many more. This switch movie is no different except is it’s fun to watch bad 80s fashion and Dudley Moore is enjoyable, as he is in most of his movies. It’s even worth the time just so you can laugh when Kirk Cameron tries to cry at the end of the movie. Can’t miss it.
Fun Fact: There is a scene where Kirk Cameron and Sean Astin pull up to school and there is a pink Carmen Ghia parked in front. It reminded me of Pretty in Pink because that’s the same car that Molly Ringwald drove in that movie. Turns out Like Father Like Son was filmed at the same school as Pretty in Pink. I am sure that’s not a coincidence and I am sure I am the only one dorky enough to notice.
The Pirate Movie (1982)
This movie is the corniest of them all!!! It starts off in the 80s. Frederic (Christopher Atkins) is a tour guide at a Pirate Exhibition. Mabel (Kristy McNicol) is a geeky, shy girl who quickly develops a crush on him. Mabel injures herself (too long to explain) and she’s transported to the time of real pirates and everyone she knows are different characters. The movie becomes a 1980s silly parody of the Pirates of Penzance. Frederic, a pirate’s apprentice, is released from his duties and is sent out in the world alone. He lands ashore and falls in love with Mabel, a daughter of a Major-General, but she can’t get married until all her sisters marry first (and there is a lot of them). So, Mabel tries to find a way to get her father to change the law. Even though, it’s set in another time the movie still manages to keep its 80s cheesiness. There is dancing, singing, and sexual references that I am certain had Gilbert & Sullivan turning over in their graves. I had this movie on the same VHS tape as Grease 2 so that tape got a lot of wear. I have to admit I still find some of the songs super catchy. Sadly, this movie is not even available through Netflix but I was able to find it on the Internet. I don’t think people care about the copyright on this one.
Let me know if you share the same love for these terrible movies. Or do you have your own that you want to share?
- The Contender – A Forgotten Political Film
- The Tender Trap – A Sinatra Movie That Lead Me to Plagiarize
Categories: Comedies, Dramas, Musicals
ReelMemorable 
Have both grease 2 and the pirate movie on dvd format ! I had seen saturday the 14th as well I’d have to rewatch I do remember it had the oldest daughter from gimme a break in it.
Oh my goodness.. I still like watching grease 2. I will ask my husband to download the other movies.. I must watch… See if they really are as bad as they say… Thanks for the info.. Have a great day..